The Way of the Kindrovert
a knowing kinship
We kindroverts light up among kindred spirits,
nourished by sharing our truth and stories in
quiet confidence when the vibe is right.
〰 Beth Kempton 〰
People of the Third Kind
There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert.
Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.
〰 Carl G. Jung 〰
When
(Japanologist, author of the fearless writer podcast, bestselling author of Wabi Sabi + 5 other non-fiction books) asked herself whether to identify as an extrovert or introvert, the answer was: “Neither!”As a result of this realisation, her Inner Genius suggested a new word ~ kindrovert ~ and her other Faculties responded with a resounding YES! It made so much sense.
The terms extravert* and introvert were introduced by Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung in the early 1900s to differentiate between personality types who focus their energy either on the outer or the inner world.
*the official/ original spelling is extravert, but extrovert has become more popular. Both spellings are used and considered correct.
Popular dictionary definitions translate extrovert [from Latin extra = outward + vertere = to turn] in an ‘outgoing, expressive, gregarious person, who seeks social interaction,’ while an introvert [from Latin intro = inward + vertere] is described as ‘reserved, quiet, introspective.
I recall a conversation with a Japanese friend about this topic. She had lived in United States for a while, and compared American with Japanese culture.
“In the States everyone is extrovert,” she said. “If we behave like that in Japan, it’s considered rude.”
Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking had just hit the bestseller list and revealed that in America people are trained to be extroverts, because it’s an extrovert culture. This may be an advantage for people who happen to naturally be extravert. For those who are introverts by nature it’s extremely hard.
In Japan, my friend concluded, it’s the other way round. Natural extroverts have to ‘tone themselves down’ all the time.
However, the difference between extra- and intro- version is not primarily about social behaviour. It’s about what kinds of social environment and interaction energises us.
Extraverts draw energy from social interaction with other people. Being on their own for too long drains their energy. That’s why they are mostly outgoing, expressive and gregarious.
For introverts by contrast, the most valuable source of energy is solitude. They replenish their energy tank through ‘me-time’. A bath in a crowd of people is draining. Therefore they appear rather withdrawn.
This means, ‘being an outgoing or withdrawn kind of person’, is secondary. Extra- or introversion are more about what we identify as our main source of energy.
In her book The Way of the Fearless Writer, Beth Kempton shares that while exploring ideas about community, she noticed that she “didn’t identify either as an extrovert or an introvert. I thought about when I am at my most energized and creative, and I realized that it is when I am among a small group of people who, like me, come alive where the outer world meets the inner world—who are both practical and spiritual, challenging and yielding, gentle and strong.”
Being unable to identify with either of Jung’s ‘personality types’ she did some research and “discovered that someone in the middle of the extrovert–introvert spectrum is called an ‘ambivert,’ but to me it sounded like a cleaning product and I didn’t want to be one, so I invented a new word to capture it. I’m a ‘kindrovert’ (from ‘kindred’ + the ‘overt’ of introvert and extrovert).”
Thank you for this brilliant word, Beth!
Kin and Kith
I am at my most energised and creative
among a small group of people who, like me,
come alive where the outer world meets the inner world.
〰 Beth Kempton 〰
Kin [from Old English cynn = family; race; kind, sort, rank; nature] is associated ~ in the Proto-Indo-European etymological system ~ with the hypothetical root ‘gene’.
This is interesting because the list of kindred verbionts from the same root includes not only kin, kind, kindergarten, kindred, king, and kinship but also gender, gene, generate, generation, generic, genesis, genital, genius, gent, gentle, genuine, germinate, homogenous, indigenous, pregnant, and any word ending in -gen, -genic, or -geny.
Kin is a close relative of both kind and child (the German word for child is Kind, which has found its way into English in the word kindergarten).
Kind (noun) [from Old English cynn = family] carries the meaning nature, race, sort, rank.
Kind (adj.) [from Old English cynde = natural, native innate] originally expressed the feeling of relatives for each other.
Kindness ~ [from Old English kyndnes = nation; produce, increase] the natural feelings of kindness = a friendly, benign, tender disposition, was originally associated with noble deeds, courtesy.
As a word-forming element -kind (as in mankind) refers to a quality derived by nature or from birth, a natural way or manner.
Kindle (verb) ~ in addition to starting a fire, this verb carries the meaning to give birth ~ used especially in reference to the offspring of animals.
Kindred [Old English kinraden = family, lineage, race, nation, tribe, blood relations] is a word where outer and inner worlds meet. As a noun, it continues to be used in the original sense. As an adjective it means similar in kind, most common as kindred spirit, referring to inner kinship beyond the bloodline.
Kinship is a synonym for relationship.
Kith [Old English cyðð = kinship] once a popular and multitasking word used not only for people as in relationship; kinsfolk, fellow-countrymen, neighbours but also for native country, home and for knowledge, acquaintance, familiarity. [from cuð = known] the past participle of cunnan = to know.
Following this trail of words, we find an uncanny bridge to another word family, where kinship is entwined with knowing. Perhaps not too surprising, since the members of a tribe or family or neighbourhood tend to know one another.
The verb can [from cunnan = to know] now used in the sense of to have power, be able, originally carried the meaning of being mentally able. The knowledge of can refers to knowing how to do sth.
Two surviving members of the can-family are canny (= shrewdness, showing good judgement) and uncanny (= strange, mysterious, unsettling).
The adjective cunning [from the verbform cun = to learn to know] originally meaning learned, skillful, possessing knowledge, developed its current sense of skillfully deceitful, characterized by crafty ingenuity by late 14 c.
As a noun, cunning was used from around 1300 in the sense of knowledge, understanding, information, learning, shifting later via ability to understand, intelligence; wisdom, prudence and gradually into cleverness, shrewdness, practical skill in a secret or crafty manner.
Couth [from Old English cuðe = known, past participle of cunnan] originally used in the sense of known, well-known; usual, customary, temporarily died out and was revived in the late 19th century in the sense of cultured, refined ~ more commonly used in its negative form.
Uncouth [from uncuð = unknown, strange, unusual; uncertain, unfamiliar; unfriendly, unkind, rough] now used in the sense of lacking good manners, refinement, or grace.
Are You a Kindrovert?
Kindred spirits are not as scarce
as I used to think.
〰 L.M. Montgomery 〰
You want to know, whether you might be a kindrovert too?
The short answer is, if the description resonates with you, then you most likely are a one of the kindred kind.
Beth Kempton offers a list of features and traits as further confirmation (or not, as the case may be) on her website do what you love for life :
Kindroverts are both
practical and spiritual
challenging and yielding
gentle and strong
smart and funny, but not in your face
Kindroverts
listen and share but don’t try too hard
rather say nothing than talk about nothing
come alive in real conversation
ask good questions and really listen to the answers
soak up the moments and remember the details
are interested in other people’s ways of life, in their belief systems and stories
trust deeply and are eminently loyal
rather not make superficial friends,
but can make friends with our kind of people very quickly
find ways to connect regardless whether they speak the same language or not.
The kind of exchange and connection that nourishes kindroverts and makes us come alive is called intimacy. It gives us a sense of belonging in a world where many of us identify as eternal seekers of a lost home. Nurturing each other and ourselves, we nurture symbiogenesis.
Kindroverts, extroverts, introverts and ambiverts, each live in a different kind of story. The story that creates their kind of world.
One of these stories asks us
To bestow our own gifts in kind,
To celebrate our own kinship with the world
〰 Robin Wall Kimmerer 〰
Thank you for this piece, Veronika. I am a kindrovert. I love small groups of people having passionate discussion filled with bouts of laughter. I have always been curious about people, but I am not interested in being the centre of attention. One of the reasons I loved journalism is I got to ask questions.
I felt this to be a very empowering post - especially with the list of characteristics of kindroverts - it feels like (and additionally so from the other comments too) that a new, vital and powerful community is being born. If the world is ever to change for the better, it will certainly be from the bottom up. Perhaps the hour has come for kindroverts to make their contribution.